There is a lot going on right now.
Actually, I think that’s an understatement.
So much to consider, to think about, to question, to worry over…the future feels very uncertain. On. So. Many. Levels…
Granted, life is never certain.
Well, except for death. That is certain. The timing of your death and your whole life preceding it, is of course – uncertain.
Though right now, we are at an unprecedented level of ‘uncertainty.’
Well, at least that’s how I’m feeling.
How about you?
For the past three years I had been focused on working, saving money, raising my son, working on my business, working on myself, paying bills, organizing my family, etc…life stuff.
Things were going along. I had plans.
2020 was going to be ‘the year’.
‘The year’ I turned fifty. The year I did so many of the things I had been wanting to do. Trying to do…
I planned on visiting friends (across the country), having friends come and stay with me, treat myself to a luxurious day at the spa (it’s been over a decade since I’ve had a ‘proper spa day’), buy something pretty for myself and plan a fabulous 50th. birthday party…
I booked tickets to visit a dear friend in Arizona. I was going by myself. I was envisioning being on the plane, by myself, enjoying a cocktail – mid flight – then landing, stepping off the plane and seeing my friend.
Giving her a big squeeze, then off we go. Just two grown women.
Able to talk, uninterrupted. Able to go wherever we want – without question or coercion, able to just ‘be’ without parenting…
The joy this brought me was immeasurable.
This was going to be my first trip – ALONE – since becoming a parent, (I became a parent over ten years ago), needless to say, I was r-e-a-d-y.
I had plans.
I’d been saving money for the past few years – specifically for my (month’s long) ’50th’ celebration!
If you’ve followed me in the past, then you know I love to save money.
(That was and is the whole point of this blog – to share ideas about saving money and living well…anyway – it’s been awhile since I’ve posted (years) but recently I’ve needed to get ‘back here’).
My months long celebration was going to start in April.
As I mentioned earlier – I was going to Arizona.
I had the plane tickets (free from my credit card points), spending money (from my diligent saving), time off work (from my planning), my friend had taken time off, we already had a few restaurants in mind (research) …I was going to a new place. To spend time with a friend.
BEYOND excited to say the least…it was happening!!
You see, before I became a parent, I loved traveling.
Traveling by myself. Traveling with my partner…
My partner and I had traveled and lived abroad for years before starting our business and having our son, but I hadn’t traveled on my own, since having our son…
Well, our son is ten years old now.
Needless to say,
I was ready.
I was ready for a lot.
I was ready for change.
I was ready to be kinder to myself.
I was ready to make the next fifty years better than the past fifty…
I was envisioning my trip to Arizona to be a reminder of what it feels like to wake up without immediately having to take care of someone else’s needs, answer questions, make a plan for the day, not think about what’s for dinner…not be responsible for someone else’s needs…except my own.
Two free days.
To remember myself…
It felt like a dream. I had the money to make it happen. And I was going to make it happen…I deserved it. I was turning 50 and had worked my ass off saving money to do all these lovely things for myself…
Turns out the dream never happened.
In December (while online scrolling), I noticed an article about a ‘new virus’ surfacing in China.
My stomach did that ’churny thing’ – that thing that makes you wake up and listen your instinct.
A new virus? Oh dear. What if it spreads?
It’s only in China (right now).
Just keep an eye out for information regarding it’s spread…
Well, we all know what happened next.
It spread before anyone knew it was spreading…
Anyway – I had to cancel my flight. I lost my job. My child has been out of school since March 15 and my business is teetering on extinction…
So, ‘my year’ isn’t quite as I had planned.
Granted – it’s like that for the entire human race right now…
Better for some. Worse for others.
Luckily I’m very resourceful…
I did take my trip, but it wasn’t as I originally envisioned…instead of flying across the country, I drove across my state – for nine hours – along nearly the entire coast…
I saw parts of Maine I had never seen and it was b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l.
I didn’t have to answer one question or be badgered with ‘how much longer??
I could just drive…and drive and drive…
So that’s what I did.
It was divine (despite the covid restrictions)…
Just me, myself and I – in my home state…
Happy Birthday to me.
I kept my promise to myself.
I traveled to a new place. Stayed in a new space, looked at things with new eyes and was grateful for where I was…
I turned 50. How did that happen?
Now onto the next ‘big plan’; learning how to homeschool while updating my resume…
How are you adjusting to this ‘new world?’
Until next time…
Great to see you’re back. Look forward to more posts. Wish I could bring you some garlic.
Can’t believe you’re 50!
Awe. Thank you! I can’t believe it either…here’s to more posts (:
Hi, I did comment, but it doesn’t appear. Good to have you back. Wish I could give you some garlic.
Hoping it comes through now…I’d love some of your garlic too – especially as it’s been a year since I planted it last. (:
happy birthday and happy blogging 🙂
Sorry to hear that virus has effected things so hard for you, although I’m sure you will come through it stronger.
Thank you! (: Yes, I’m hoping I come through stronger too! (:
I had a lot of plans for 2020 – but it turns out 2020 had different plans for a lot of us…
I’m grateful for what I do have and for what is to come.
Nice to hear from you!
While we have all been catapulted into this “Life’s Master Class in ‘Uncertainty'”, whether we enrolled for it or not, it sounds as if you are quickly picking up the lessons. I’m sorry you’ve had to loose your job, that is so stressful. But you sound to be able to make the best of things. Your journey sounds wonderful. Also, a very belated Happy Birthday to you! Take good care.
Awe…thank you. All the best to you too. (: